When Yaoi Fangirls Go Rabid
by JediKnightNightTerra
Summary: Noah the Authoress, along with the mysterious organization, "Homophobs" must protect the male anime, manga, videogame, movie, TV-show, and book population from the rabid yaoi fangirl army. If bitten, you become one. Crossover with Resident Evil 4 and more
1. Chapter 1

OH shit. ANOTHER fan fiction. When is my mind gonna stop?

Leon: Oh hell. That's easy.

I think I have UFMS…

Leon: Huh?

Uncontrollable Fanfiction Manufacturing Syndrome.

Leon: Oh. :3

Enjoy!

Leon: She owns nothing. Just the OC characters.

OMG! I love you New Dante!

New Dante: Oh yeah! Make it public! D:

;A;

New Dante: Hell…?

GET TO THE FUCKING FANFICTION ALREADY!

Everyone: 0_0

?….?

When Yaoi Girls Go Rabid

-LOTS AND LOTS OF YAOI BASHING 8D! Starts next chapter though-

The day was frigid, for it was the day after Thanksgiving. It was raining, and Noah the Authoress was watching Criminal Minds on TV. The teen was bored out of her mind. There was nothing to do but eat left over dirty rice and drink Fuze drinks. She sighed, sat back in the recliner she sat in and closed her eyes. For a moment, she thought she drifted off to sleep, but a 'thud' woke her up. She looked over to the door next to her to see a young girl kneeling on her door step. She got up and opened the door to investigate. "Excuse me, but-"

"YAAAAAOOOOOOOIIIIIII!" screamed the strange girl, who lunged for Noah's neck. Noah squeaked and slammed the door in the girl's face…literally. The girl backed away, holding her nose. "Yaoi…" she whimpered, with tears in her eyes.

Noah closed the blinds on her glass door and snuck to the back door. "What the hell…?" she said, looking down at her feet. There was a huge board lodged under the back door.

"Yaoi…" moaned a stranger behind her. She spun around and pressed against the door in fear, but she arched an eye brow. "Did you just fucking say, 'yaoi'?" the potty mouthed teen asked.

"Yaoi!" the girl yelled in response.

Noah's face fell. "Oh Bob Saget!"

The yaoi fangirl lunged at her, but Noah quickly grabbed the heavy washing liquid and chucked it at her. It hit the fangirl in the face, enabling Noah to run passed her. Noah squeaked again and darted out the front door.

But she stopped dead in her tracks. Just passed the front exit of the gate was an army of yaoi fangirls. They had wild looking eyes with drool dripping down their faces, and disturbing pictures of random guys kissing on their shirts. Hell, some of them were even foaming at the mouth! "Oh holy monkey…" she squeaked. She darted toward the back exit of the gate, knowing that there was a chance of escaping by heading through the thick wooded area around her house. Chances are, she'd be able to loose them in there then she would by just going down the road.

She realized she was barefoot, which really meant nothing. She was always barefoot. She was faster barefoot.

Yaoi fangirls weren't far behind. They were running normally, which meant some of them were faster than Noah. But they wore shoes. You can't beat a country girl in a foot race with shoes on. Especially if they were heels.

Noah jumped over a ditch and entered the woods. The girls followed, hissing and growling. Black and dew berry vines scratched and scraped Noah's legs, but Noah still pushed on. Even when her sides hurt and her throat burned, the girl fought to keep her legs moving.

Then, she bumped into a large figure, who grabbed her. "Wha! No! I don't wanna be a yaoi fangirl!" she panted.

"What? No. I'm not a girl. Calm down before you strain yourself." the figure said. Noah looked up to see familiar silver hair, grey-blue eyes, and blood red coat. "Holy hell…You're fucking Dante, aren't you…?" she panted. Dante nodded. "Yeah, that's me. Glad to see a young mind who hasn't been tainte-"

Noah suddenly fainted in his arms. He supported her up, but realized she was weezing bad. "Great, she's having a fucking asthma attack…"

He growled and Devil Triggered. He supported the weezing girl in his arms and dashed; leaving the yaoi fangirls who were surrounding the area in the dust…er…mud.

Dante knew only one thing that moment. Get this girl some help before she dies.

?…?

Whoa. Weirdness much?

Oh I so love Dante. Btw…its DMC4 Dante who Noah bumps into. Hope you enjoyed! ^_^


	2. Getting Close to Leon S Kennedy pt1

I know I haven't got any reviews yet for this fanfic but oh well. The idea for this chapter was nagging at my mind like a bad stench. Hope you like it ;)

Btw, there is a difference between me, and Noah the Authoress. Noah is afraid of gay people while I am not. Noah curses more than I do. Noah also has a VERY sick mind.

XXX

Dante arrived moments later at a strange building with big words that said, "Homophob HQ" on it. He stepped up with Noah in his arms, waiting for the robotic voice to ask him for the password. "Password please?" asked the security system.

Dante thought for a moment, then started laughing. "Hairy monkeys." he replied. The light above the door went from red to green, and so he stepped in. "Hey medical people!" He called out. "Got an asthmatic kid here. Oh shit, she's having a fucking nosebleed!"

Little did he know that the nosebleed wasn't caused by her asthma, but her being pressed against his chest. A smirk formed on the girl's face, and she started to cough uncontrollably.

The medics rushed over to him and took Noah. Her smirk went to a frown. She wanted to savor the moment of being pressed against the hottest game character's body. (Holy shit. I'm so sick!) The medics put her on a gurney and rushed her to the Infirmary. One medic put a mask on while the other turned on the gas. LAUGHING gas. Noah started to laugh and cough uncontrollably, then she fell asleep from the amount of gas. "You idiot!" yelled the head medic. "You gave her laughing gas!"

The medic responsible whimpered. "Sorry, boss."

XXX

~4 hours later…~

Noah groaned. Her chest hurt, her legs stung AND hurt, and her head was weirdly light. The familiar feeling of being groggy after surgery came to her like a hit in the face. "Whsere am I…?" she asked, speech completely slurred. She felt drunk.

"Well," said a familiar male voice. "You are at the Homophob HQ, where we fight against the yaoi fan girls. We don't kill them, we just capture them and turn them into normal human beings. That, and we protect the male media population from them. Sadly, they already got to the Twilight crew."

Noah tried to process what he was saying, but her mind was running real slow. "Who…are you?" she asked.

"Leon S. Kennedy." he replied.

Noah shot up like a bullet but bumped her head on the low ceiling. "AHHHH SHIT! My head!" he growled.

Leon moved closer and removed her hand from her head to examine her wound. Noah thought this was all a dream, but here she was. So close to Leon S. FREAKING Kennedy, she could touch him. 'Damn my raging hormones!' she thought. She lied there and stared at him while he examined her forehead. "Its going to bleed." he said. "But it isn't serious."

"O-okay…"she stuttered.

Leon stood up and stretched. "Stay here. I'm going to get your mother. By the way," he scratched his head. "That cat has been your guardian angel since you were…knocked out. He wouldn't even let Dante come into this room."

A furry head perked up. "Mrow?"

Noah looked down. "Calito?"

The furry creature yawned and stretched. "Mrow." he replied.''

"Hey kitty! What's up!" she exclaimed.

"Mrow!" Calito exclaimed.

Leon left Noah alone and went to find her mother.

XXX

Just minutes later, Noah's mother came into the room. She superflyingchibiglomped her daughter and hugged her tight. "Mom. I'm okay. Though that was the first time since I was a child to have an asthma attack."

"Noah, you shouldn't have run like that! Especially barefoot! And no jacket! Dante was assigned to escort you here. It was pure luck that," she sighed at the thought of Dante. "Dante was there when you passed out though…You lucky bitch. You got to be carried by him."

Noah giggled evilly. "Yeah, you jealous?" she asked.

Her mom nodded. "Yep."

"Hey, did MFB(motherf***ing bastard) get bitten by a yaoi fangirl?" Noah asked.

Her mom nodded. Noah cheered and started dancing. Then, she suddenly got dizzy. "Oh hell…guess vigorous activities are out of the question…"

"C'mon, let's go meet the rest of the crew. By the way, your aunts got drunk with Jack Sparrow." her mother said.

Noah started to laugh. "Holy hell! Really?" she exclaimed.

Her mom nodded. "Yep. It was-"

They both bumped into two men. One guy was Raizo, whom Noah bumped into, and the other was Hercules (Kevin Sorbo's version).

Noah's mom fainted at the site. "She's fine!"

Raizo looked at Noah as if she needed to be admitted somewhere. "Normal people are so strange." he commented.

Noah shrugged. "No, I'm strange. Normal people are normal people."

Raizo arched an eyebrow at her. "Hm. Makes sense…I suppose."

The two men walked away. Noah nudged her mother in the head. "He's gone now."

She shot up with a smile on her face and her hand on her nose. "Okay."

They showed up in front of the main conference room. "Password, please?" asked the security system.

"Flying fingers of doom." replied Noah's mother.

As the door opened, a girl tackled Noah. "OMG! Noah are you okay? When I heard you were having an asthma attack, I panicked and begged mom to take me to you. Sis didn't want to come. So I think she's in the yaoi fan girl army now. So how are you? You're okay right?" Felix said so fast, Noah caught only bits and pieces of her sentence. "Yeah I'm fine…" Noah grunted.

Felix got off her and smiled. "Gotcha ya an early Christmas present."

Noah's eyes lit up. "Really?" What?"

Felix dug in her pocket and brought out a black Ipod Nano. "Felix that's awesome! Does it have any songs on it?"

Felix nodded. "Every song on your Youtube page." she replied.

Noah bounced up and cheered. "Awesome!"

"Yes, I'm glad you like it. We pitched in and helped her buy it while you slept." said an unfamiliar male voice.

XXX

Who is the mystery man? Will Noah be able to survive the day without passing out from seeing all her favorite men at once? Can Homophobs stop making up retarded passwords? The world will know.


	3. God made Adam and Eve

I have no ideas for **Boys on the Run**. Can anyone help me with the next chapter? Also, I'm thinking of a Devil May CryxKingdom Hearts crossover where Vergil is the father of Kairi. I just got to brain storm on it though.

Here is ch.3 for When Yaoi Fangirls Go Rabid.

?

Noah spun around to see a stunning young man in army pants. His eyes were ocean blue, his hair was jet black. He had a tank top on with fingerless gloves to match his attire. "So glad you can join us finally, Miss Noah."

Noah stared at him. "Who are you?" she asked.

"Daniel Drake A. Williams." he said.

Noah whistled. "Long name. So, whats all this for? I mean, I know now the world is coming to an end because of yaoi fangirls, but why is there a HQ for homophobic people?" she asked.

Daniel smiled. "Homophob is a government organization set with one goal in mind. Keep the world in balance by sustaining the yaoi media in its rightful category." he cleared his throat, seeing confusion form on her face. "What I mean is, you know the Mirage of the Blaze anime?"

Noah nodded.

"Well, the second part of that anime is supposed to be yaoi. That's its rightful category. But pairings like Dante and Leon or Vincent and Hojo are not supposed to be. All those men I mentioned are for the ladies some how some way."

Noah turned her head to the side to see Dante glaring at Leon like he was a serious sickness. Leon shrugged and walked away with a smile on his face, as if he'd just seen something rather funny. "Why would those girls think of such preposterous pairings? Its not natural. Hell, it doesn't even work during that 'special' moment."

Daniel turned to his men. "Men! Gather up!"

A whole line of men, some that Noah recognized, lined up shoulder to shoulder. "Men! What is the Homophob motto?"

Dante started to giggle as they spoke. "God made Adam and Eve! Not Adam and Steve!"

Young Dante was beside his elder self as they both laughed their asses off at the motto. Daniel smiled. "Dismissed."

Noah was laughing. "That's so true and so funny at the same time!" she laughed.

A blonde haired girl walked by Daniel, making him tense up. "Hello, Danny. How are you?" she asked. Daniel stared down at her and blushed a bright pink. "Lucy…Um…I'm fine…" He stuttered.

Noah glared at her as if she was something disgusting. 'Don't trust her.' a voice told her.

'Slut.' Noah thought.

As Lucy walked off, Daniel cleared his throat again. "So sorry about that."

"Does anyone trust her besides you?" Noah suddenly asked. Daniel stared at her as if she was crazy. "Well, I don't know." He said. "But she is the first lieutenant as I am the sergeant."

Noah shook her head. "Something about her is off." she muttered.

Daniel smiled. "Well, you up for the next task?" he asked.

Noah looked up at him. "Yeah."

XXX

Noah, Leon, and Young Dante (My favorite men go first :D) stood on a greenish blue platform. "Okay, guys. Here's the deal. Since Dante and Leon have adapted to the videogame world, their bodies are immune to the elements there. As for you, Noah, you might acquire some kind of power in your search to find the targets. However," he sighed. "If you gain too much power at once, you could die. And Noah, just to tell you, we ran some tests on you while you slept. Your body takes in too much at once already, so be careful. Don't go anywhere alone, and definitely don't get yourself caught or captured."

"Who's our target?" Leon asked.

Daniel smiled. "Well, I figured we'd do an easy one. Your mission is to climb the tower in DMC3 to get both Dante and Vergil. Remember, younger Dante that you CANNOT touch yourself in this world."

Young Dante took a puff on a cigarette and nodded. "Yeah, yeah."

Noah stared up at Daniel. "I'm ready." she said impatiently.

Daniel nodded. "On three."

One…

Dante threw his cigarette butt away.

Two…

Leon sighed and loaded his gun.

Three!

"Oh Bob SAAAAAAAAAAAAGET!" Noah screamed as The Transporter zapped them into a different world…

XXX

So, what powers should Noah acquire?

Flame guitar named St. Anger?

Long sword named Retribution?

Or Ice rod named Tri-Heart?

I'm thinking St. Anger but you guys can decide first.


End file.
